One Month Today...

I'm told over time things will get easier and I really hope that is the case. I never thought I could miss someone so much as I have missed mom. It's amazing to think she has now been gone for a month already. I went to the cemetery today and as I drove in the whole place was in the bright mid-morning sun...except for a little corner where mom and dad were. It was almost a little message to me from them saying come on over Rodney and rest in the shade. Come on over for a visit and let's catch up. I just chuckled to myself as I drove down to their plot. Their little space was the only place where the shade of the pine trees towered above casting a cool shadow of retreat. I took them up on their invite and took a little rest and just listened to the wind and paused as the birds orchestrated their songs from the neighboring woods.

I'm trying to learn a bit about the whole green thumb gift that mom had so strongly. I even put a little Miracle-Grow on the flowers that we set out last weekend. I really didn't have a clue what I was doing but the directions seemed pretty straight forward. I'm sure mom was laughing as I was studying the package.

I know that tomorrow is Father's Day and I'm grateful for the memories of my dad as well and all that he did in making my journey to this point in life possible. Mom and dad were quite the team together. In looking at mom and dad laying at rest with one another I was affirmed once again how at rest mom now is with all the health struggles and issues she faced. That night a month ago she departed us like soft whisper. Her departure could not have been more gentle. I think back to that night a month ago and I'm caught up in the amazement of mom's act of love. I'm so thankful dad on this Father's Day that you picked such a classy, spiritual women that I've had the pleasure and privilege of calling my mom.

I took a picture of my down time with mom and dad today. Thanks for the shade of rest mom and dad. Life needed a pause today and I couldn't have spent that time any better than taking comfort in your special place you had planned for me today. Thank you!

Your Echoes of Embrace are Everywhere

It's been now three weeks since you've been gone Mom. Everywhere I go and everything I do is filtered by your influence. I miss you so much. I hear your voice stir inside me, I feel your touch through the way I now journey through life. The little things are becoming more important and I'm seeing life through your eyes more so now than ever before.

Your teachable moments continue even with you not here. I think of you hourly mom. I guess the year of firsts start now. I'll miss not celebrating my birthday with you tomorrow. You know I've never been big on birthdays but you always seem to make that day special for me. I remember you gave me a pacemaker last year. WOW...what a gift you gave me because if anything that pacemaker was able to give us more time together and I wouldn't have traded the last year with you for the world. It's amazing to look back mom and see what cross roads we were at last year at this time. The whole dialysis thing was fairly new and little did we know what journey we were headed on. I am thankful for one thing mom, we won't be celebrating my birthday in the hospital like we did last year. Your celebrating in heaven where your pretty much partying all the time now. I'm so jealous.

Your echoes of embrace are everywhere. I miss you more than words can say or describe. If anything that pacemaker can do now is to help me understand and remember that in this pace of life make every moment matter. I'm still trying to do my best with that. I'm still trying to wrap my arms around your absence. Thank you for the simple reminders of your love in my life even though your not here to physically and verbally share them. Thank you for the life you've given me mom. I will do my best to try and celebrate that on my birthday. Your so amazing! You will be with me tomorrow like your are everyday. Thank you God for the gift of such an amazing mom.